very interesting. While my only knowledge is the reading I did and what I experienced being married to a narcissist a short time (3 years) after being widowed from a long marriage (of 30 years), I think it is not just a potential injustice or unfairness they perceive as a kid. I think it can also be something they themselves did as a kid that made them loathe themselves, creating a deep seeded need to self sabotage.

I'm curious where all the lying comes from and how they view that. Surely they know they are lying but I wonder too if they convince themselves the lies are true or at least some lies. What a hard experience to encounter love bombing that develops into subtle abuse before the monster comes out.

I was divorced within 2 weeks of him saying to me "I am going to manifest a heart attack because you deserve two dead husbands." Can you imagine? Obviously you cannot come back from deliberately intended hurt like that. Trying to hurt those that love you in as harmful a way you can, that is what I saw in narcissism and what a shame that the charmer part was so fake. My advise now is Run, don't walk. I cut all ties- right after I paid all his credit cards and taxes. Never again.