What a great view on this often erupting truth. I had not thought of this in this way. You say: “The situations that you can’t control become the ones that teach you the most.” I could not agree more now that you have confronted me with this obvious truth even as I have not viewed control or no control as an issue. I litigate so I often encounter surprises I cannot control!

I aim for synchronicity (and Justice, of course) and don’t really believe in chance yet these things I do not control really have shaped me for the good to make better decisions and to get a grip on my thinking about them. Telling us to reframe is so insightful and works well including at defeating depression and the like and accepting uncertainty and outcomes we dislike.

I got married 39 years ago on Good Friday yet my husband died young of diabetic complications after 31 years of togetherness. After I got over the initial holy shit moment and seeing the futility in blaming myself for not taking him to the hospital sooner, (and I was angry at him about dying for a short while), I never spent another day saying I wish this or that about that most important relationship I had had or even about his sufferring ending since that is where he was. I found real comfort in living the sentiment Mary Baker Eddy wrote: “Sorrow has its reward; it never leaves you where it found you.” Uncertainty and lack of control have their reward- ey? They cause us to make better decisions and to appreciate more what we experience.

Your point out that: “All the events that you lacked control over have significant benefits to the decisions you made after them.” I cannot tell you all of my proof of the correctness and utility of that statement. You are wise to have discerned this and I appreciate you calling it to our attention through good writing too. Preparing for yet another trial on a decade old levee/flooding matter that has been to the appeals court four times now (not even kidding) and will be again after next week is an instant of no control of trial court outcomes or the appellate court who has been good to us, for that matter.

Yet all things work together for good and will- eventually- come to fruition from the new ways we accomplish things when the things out of our control seem to block the way to what we believe is right. My strategy sure has been shaped by the uncontrollable actions and orders of judges who ruled based on the uncontrollable (and wrong) arguments of those with greed motivating their positions and fight, thereby prolonging the harm to the thousands of acres of farmland our district levees protect. Oh well. We will get to an even better outcome due to the very things we had to learn and come up with to get around what we view as stupidity and lawlessness. We are still learning.

Nothing could be better than learning and loving what you do and who you are with. You mentioned death — seems out of our control- which got me off on this tangent but really- even the death of our dearest ones cause us to grow and make decisions and go places in our lives that we otherwise would not have gone. We can see the improvement and keep making good decisions.

Thanks for wisdom on these issues. You always seem insightful so I hope it is good to see that your ideas help others expand and solidify their views too and to feel better about all those things we cannot control.