You are so worthy. Do not implement a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Anyway- when one wakes up from death after causing it, it must be an even harder road than finding your way to stay alive as long as you can- your duty to Life and Love for letting you participate. Love surrounds you.

Smile and walk as though you have a cape flying behind you. THen you might laugh too. You are your own super hero, not your worst enemy. Prove it by how you think and what you do with those thoughts.